The Art of Civil Conversation

Tap Brothers is a group of guys that hangs out monthly, sharing a beverage or two while discussing a question of the day - sometimes theological, sometimes philosophical, and often hysterical (we laugh a lot). I know it’s a group of guys hanging out with an excuse to drink some beer, but…it is also a chance to develop the skill of a lost art. Conversation.

We live in a world of sound bites, quips, memes, and social media outlets that allow us to “say our piece” and walk away without engaging a reply. As a society, we have suffered greatly under COVID regulations and recommendations which further limit our personal interaction and direct us to a virtual reality. If we weren’t healthy before, we’re certainly sick now.

Into that world comes the re-emergence of small group conversation, where the individuals deliberately suspend casual banter for the sake of something deeper and meaningful. Within a small group, there is room for laughter and anger, applause and anxiety, ignorance and enlightenment. There’s also room for being wrong and learning to live with it.

The topic from our September gathering was about how the world would be different if the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001 had not happened. We heard from a retired TSA agent, a young man who is often “randomly checked” at the airport, and a few experiences in-between. We also felt that the aftermath in the USA was a short-lived sense of unity, rallying around a common cause…which soon gave way to heightened concerns regarding what we call racism.

I share that because that’s where the consensus stopped. When we went to “saying our piece” about Black Lives Matter, racism, history and the current state of unrest, we suddenly hit a wall where conversation stuttered and hair bristled. We weren’t sure what to do with disagreement, as if it were the enemy of our purpose.

Still, nobody moved. We stayed planted in our chairs around the fire, as if we had resolved to place the “Brothers” ahead of being comfortable. We then heard from a history teacher, asked questions of one another, shared experiences and commiserated about those who “foment strife” – maybe recognizing that we unintentionally join the “foment-ers” when we are not able to tame our own tongues and engage our ears.

Maybe we ought not meet in large groups these days. Maybe it’s a good opportunity, though, to meet in small ones…to learn how to talk to each other again, or for the first time. We’ve been wearing figurative masks (far more invasive than the literal ones of our day) for a long time, and it’s time for them to come off. Mask down, stay a while, and share your hearts with the brothers and sisters in faith.

In Christian Love,

James Gomez - Pastor at Prince of Peace Lutheran Church in Sturgeon Bay